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BDSM is healthy and fun

but beware the fake Dom

I love the erotic and the kinky. I also love games in the bedroom, but if you’re just emerging into this scene and looking for a partner you do need to be careful.

This is one of the emails that I send to welcome new members to my newsletter but I wanted to share it with everyone since it has some very important messages about safety.

Enjoy!

Do you like to be spanked?
Hit with a crop or whip?
Or perhaps, you like to be the one holding the whip.
If you do, it’s okay.

People with these desires used to be considered mentally ill, but that’s just not true.

Psychologists have known for a long time that BDSM is healthy.

“What’s new is that such desires are increasingly being considered normal, even healthy, as experts begin to recognize their potential psychological value. S & M, they are beginning to understand, offers a release of sexual and emotional energy that some people cannot get from traditional sex. ‘The satisfaction gained from S & M is something far more than sex,’ explains Roy Baumeister, Ph.D., a social psychologist at Case Western Reserve University. ‘It can be a total emotional release.'”

The BDSM lifestyle is fascinating to me.

The giving of control to another person requires an extraordinary amount of trust and that can lead to true intimacy.

Allowing a man into your life and bed requires trust on a woman’s part. Most of us are smaller and weaker than the men in our lives. We must trust them not to hurt us in order to be intimate, but to ask them to hurt us, to tie us up and know that the only pain they will bring will be exactly the amount we want, the amount we can handle. Now, that’s intimate.

And it’s not only women who want to be dominated. Nick lets Sarah take control quite often in Six Nights of Sin and Six Weeks of Seduction.

Lily Fine, a professional dominatrix who teaches S & M workshops across North America, explains: “I may hurt you, but I will not harm you: I will not hit you too hard, take you further than you want to go or give you an infection.”

A little or a lot of BDSM games in the bedroom can brighten your sex life, but be careful.

If you’re in a long term relationship, then you should be fine, but if you’re looking to be a dom or domme, then learn the rules. If you’re looking for a dom or domme, then watch out for the red flags. There are a lot of fake doms out there.

Some of the signs of fake doms:

  1. Want you to send nude pics before you’ve entered a relationship contract
  2. Want to jump right into sex, without getting to know you (a real dom wants to know what makes you tick)
  3. Won’t share personal information but expects you to.
  4. Expects you to obey before you both agree to that step in your relationship.
  5. Wants you to change – cut your hair, lose weight, drop friends, etc. A good dom (like any good partner) will like you the way you are.
These are just some of the red flags. Check out the links below for others.

And remember, as Ethan says, “It’s all about pleasure. If there’s no pleasure, there’s no point.”

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199909/the-pleasure-pain

Read more about spotting fake doms:
https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/19983-fake-doms-warning-signssafety-etc/
https://submissiveguide.com/safety/articles/identifying-fake-dominants-posers

Read More about why we like to be punished
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/feb/14/science-bdsm-kink-biology-psychology-fifty-shades

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