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Sperm. What is it good for?

Sing the above to the tune of War by Edwin Starr

 

Let’s talk about the many uses of sperm.

Yes, the picture above is probably the most well known use of it. Creating an adorable little baby that will bring you joy, laughter, love…and no sleep whatsoever for the rest of your life.

But believe it or not, there are other uses for that dream cream.

Here are a few:

1. Face cream and or to clean your face:

Yep, thanks to Heather Locklear, some women believe that sperm contains an anti-aging property. Others believe that it keeps zits away (not sure where that belief came from). Neither have been proven by science.

But I do have to wonder what the guy thinks when his partner immediately scoops it up and runs to the bathroom to add it to their face cream containers. Or, does the woman hand him the container and send him into the bathroom with a naughty magazine like at a sperm bank?

2. We’ll talk about the spermsicle in another post later.

3. Then there are the diet conscious (really?). There are some arguments about the number of calories in man goo. Some think it’s a whopping 25 calories while most believe it to be about 1 calorie. Either way, are you sucking that much monkey spunk that it’ll blow (pun intended) your diet?

On the flip side of the calorie thing, is the fact that four ounces of baby-batter contains as much protein as an egg white (scramble that up for breakfast). Just a note, the average guy ejaculates between 1.2 and 5.0 ml of man chowder per event.

Four ounces is equal to about 118 ml. So, your man would need to either really bulk up his production or blow his wad at least 24 times to get you that one egg white serving of protein. – You go, guy!

4. And this has to be one of my favorites. A psychologist from SUNY Albany believes that swallowing manmilk will combat morning sickness. The theory is that her body is fighting the foreign object so eating it will get her body accustomed to it.

This is not proven (duh,, no shit).

What is proven though, is if she’d swallowed to begin with, she wouldn’t have morning sickness at all.

(just a note, I was contacted by a doctor who said that they are studying #4 and there has been some success with decreasing morning sickness by the consumption of sperm  — I can hear men cheering everywhere)

5.There are many more uses of jiz (a lot in the adult entertainment business) such as using it for seasoning in your meal, as paint, as something to share with your friends (think snowballing) and even in drinks.

Is nothing sacred anymore? I’m stating this here and now. Do not put wigglers in my desserts or in my alcohol. I will not be happy.

I hope you both learned something and enjoyed this little tutorial of the many uses of pearl jam. LOL.

Click here, if you’d like to read the article and discover the other uses of spunk.

Click here if you want to read some more funny names for that sweet seed. I know I enjoyed sprinkling them throughout this post.

And click here is you want to hear that WAR song that I referenced in the subject line.

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