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We all want a tiger in our bed or a man who’s hung like a horse.

Or do we?

 

I saw a post on FB about whale penises.
Yes, theoretically, I knew they had them, but I never thought about it – until that post.

We use metaphors all the time to describe humans – especially about men and sex.

Take Jethro Tull’s Bungle in the Jungle for example.

Do we really want a tiger in our bed?

Or what about a man who’s “hung like a horse”?

And whale sex, is that for you? (this isn’t a current metaphor, but I think it should be)

Let’s take a closer look before we decide.

When gray whales mate, the female is in charge. If she’s not ready, then it’s a no go. There is no known aggressive competition between the males. Sometimes one male even helps the other by propping the female up so his buddy can mate. Then, positions are reversed.

Whale menage sounds good to me, but I’m still not sure why the male has to give his willie a breather between bouts of mating and stick it in the air for the world to see.

Of course, he may just be really, really proud of that thing.

We could start a new saying for menages. Something like “I’m looking for two men to gray whale it tonight.”

I’d love to hear your suggestions.

Now, let’s move on to that tiger in your bed.

What is this medieval torture device, you ask?

It’s a cat’s penis.

No, I’m not kidding.

Cat penises are barbed in order to scrape out the semen from other males and to trigger the female cat’s brain to get those eggs ready.

No wonder the female cat screams.

I keep imagining a man with a mace for a penis. Doesn’t sound pleasant at all to me, but hey, to each their own.

If it sounds like something you’d like to try, just do a search for “spiked dildos” or “spiked condoms”. There are plenty to choose from.

And finally the stallion.

From behind and nipping your neck can be loads of fun, but what about that size?

The average man’s penis is between 5 and 6 inches. A really big one is over seven inches.

The average horse’s is 18 inches. A really big one is over 28 inches.

If any man tells me he’s hung like a horse, I’ll have to say no thank you – or my prayers. LOL

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your favorite metaphors. Who knows, they just might end up as a blog.

References
gray whale courtship

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